The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
