my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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