remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
