it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
