Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
