Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
