You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
