We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
