We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
