remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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