We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
