I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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