you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Damn victory sex feels great
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
