Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
