sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
