bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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