I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
