What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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