Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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