And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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