just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
