Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
