yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
