Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
