I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
