In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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