You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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