ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
