he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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