...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
