Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
