I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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