Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pooping to opera.
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