i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
