Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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