i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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