First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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