Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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