he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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