So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
