last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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