if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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