Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
