Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
