So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
