I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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