his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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