My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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