i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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