don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
