So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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