In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
