Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
