Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
