you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
