Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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