You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
