New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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