I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
