Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
