i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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