rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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