how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
