Your mouth is God's brothel.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize