I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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