...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
