I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
