I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
