U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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